PELIPOST | THE OFFICIAL BLOG

Love thrives in the most extraordinary circumstances, especially when it comes to keeping a relationship strong with an incarcerated loved one. This February, we're so excited to share insights from two women who truly understand this unique journey - Paige and Gigi, the amazing hosts of Love Within Walls Podcast. As part of our Spotlight Series on Love & Connection, they're opening up about their own experiences and sharing the wisdom they've gained along the way. From keeping the spark alive through letters and photos to taking care of yourself during challenging times, Paige and Gigi share how they nurture love across prison walls.

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As hosts of Love Within Walls, what inspired you to share your personal experiences with being in a relationship with someone who is incarcerated?

PAIGE: I feel like the best answer to this question depends on both your love language and your loved one’s. If your love language is words of affirmation, something heartfelt like a poem, an extremely long handwritten letter, or even a fun personalized word game you send through the mail can be an amazing gift. If your loved one’s love language is receiving gifts, sending something thoughtful, like a photo book or a personalized calendar (if allowed by the facility), is a great way to show your love and keep them connected to your world.

GIGI: My inspiration comes from seeing all the love within the community and wanting to help others in a similar situation. This road isn’t easy loving someone incarcerated, there is a lot to navigate emotionally, spiritually, financially, and relationship wise. There is also the stigma prison wives and girlfriends face from outsiders who often judge us for choosing to love someone who is incarcerated. My goal was to bring those realities to the forefront and educate others who maybe in the prison wife community or not, and to break the stigma attached to being a prison wife or girlfriend.

My goal was to bring those realities to the forefront and educate others who maybe in the prison wife community or not, and to break the stigma attached to being a prison wife or girlfriend. - Gigi

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What role does regular communication through letters and photos play in maintaining a strong connection?

PAIGE: Letters and photos have been at the heart of our connection from the very beginning. When I first met my husband, letters and phone calls were all we had to build our relationship, and they became the foundation of the bond we share today. Sending him photos and sharing life through my eyes allowed him to be part of my world, even though he couldn’t physically be here with me. It wasn’t the same as having him by my side, but it was the next best thing—and it made all the difference.

GIGI: It’s so important to have those to stay in contact with your loved one and to make them feel included in your everyday life. It helps to strengthen the bonds and connections of a relationship where the system tries to control so much of it or break it down. I send Michael pictures or emails every day, and we talk on the phone every day at least once a day. Overall, it’s the foundation of our relationship since I can only visit 2 days a month.

Many people in incarcerated relationships struggle with maintaining their own identity while supporting their loved one. What self-care practices do you recommend for staying emotionally healthy?

PAIGE: If you are in a relationship with someone who is incarcerated, self-care is absolutely essential. It’s so important to carve out time for yourself and prioritize your well-being, rather than devoting 110% of your energy to your loved one—they wouldn’t want you to do that. Boundaries are my number one recommendation because they are key to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship for both you and your partner. Practices like meditation, mindfulness, and taking time to reflect on the things you’re grateful for can help you stay grounded and balanced as you navigate this journey.

GIGI: I always like to say self-care is never selfish, and it’s a necessity in this life if we are to help and be there for our loved ones. We cannot help them if we are not good ourselves, so I always make an effort to self-care. It can be small things like taking a walk, getting a coffee, or taking a trip alone to just get away from everything. As much as I love the prison world and prison wife community, I find getting away and disconnecting into nature really does give me a moment to breathe and clear my head. I enjoy going out and nature walking, exploring, or hiking. I also think you can never “treat yourself” enough! I love doing girly things like going to the salon, getting my nails done, or having a spa day on occasion.

How do you recommend handling special occasions like Valentine's Day when you can't be physically together? What creative ways have you found to celebrate?

PAIGE: I feel like the best answer to this question depends on both your love language and your loved one’s. If your love language is words of affirmation, something heartfelt like a poem, a drawing, or even a fun game you can send through the mail can be an amazing gift. If your loved one’s love language is receiving gifts, sending something thoughtful, like a photo book or a personalized calendar (if allowed by the facility), is a great way to show your love and keep them connected to your world.

One of the most special things my husband and I did for Valentine’s Day was creating crossword puzzles for each other. We personalized them with little details about our relationship—inside jokes, memories, and favorite things. The process of making mine, and then solving his, was so much fun — it felt like we were sharing a super meaningful moment, even being physically apart.

GIGI: I really love playing games, whether they be on paper or over the phone with my husband. We also do writing challenges, questions of the day, and other creative outlets to focus on ourselves and our relationship on this special day. There are so many ways to connect thru writing or talking on the phone that some times even create more of an intimate connection without being able to be physically in each other’s presence.

One year, I had my prison wife friends take pictures with cards from all over the country and world that said, “Mike, Gigi’s love is so big, it has reached (city).” I made a collage and sent Mike all the pictures from all over for Valentine’s Day, and it made him feel so special. To this day, he says that was the best gift I could have gotten him. He was so touched by it.

Could you share some communication strategies that have helped strengthen your relationships, especially during challenging times? Communication, especially establishing healthy boundaries, can be a struggle.

PAIGE: Being physically separated from your loved one leaves so much room for miscommunication. Open and honest communication is essential. Don’t be afraid to speak up, even when the conversations are tough. It’s crucial to have those difficult talks because avoiding them only lets the tension build. Setting clear expectations on both sides is one way to establish a solid foundation for understanding. Transparency and trust are the cornerstones of any strong relationship. While the distance can make things harder, it also offers an opportunity to grow stronger together.

GIGI: I think just having that expectation of being honest with each other is so important when communicating; no matter what questions we have, or how we are feeling. Sometimes there are things that are difficult to discuss and truths that might be hard to hear, but it’s best to have that open and honest line of communication with your partner because if you can’t talk to them about it, who can you truly talk to? Also, if you have those healthy lines of communication established and honesty as a forefront to your expectations, then setting healthy boundaries with your partner shouldn’t feel awkward or wrong. Michael and I always try to work on listening just as much as communicating. We try to listen to understand and not to react. We try to look at things from each other’s perspectives or walk in the other person’s shoes when we listen.

Open and honest communication is essential. Don’t be afraid to speak up, even when the conversations are tough. It’s crucial to have those difficult talks because avoiding them only lets the tension build. Setting clear expectations on both sides is one way to establish a solid foundation for understanding. -Paige

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What advice would you give to someone feeling isolated or misunderstood by family and friends regarding their relationship?

PAIGE: To anyone feeling isolated, know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to face this journey without support. There are many communities, like our own Love Within Walls, where women can share their experiences and be heard without fear of judgment or hate. If you’re feeling misunderstood by family or friends, try to practice grace within your relationship. Understand that sometimes our journey can be overwhelming for others, but remember— their judgments are not yours to carry.

GIGI: Just know you are NEVER alone on this journey. I know in a world where prison wives are vilified and looked down upon, it can be hard to not feel judged, isolated, and alone. But just know there are almost 3 million people incarcerated in this country, so you are never alone in those feelings. I would try and find a support group or other prison wives to connect with because no one will understand you like a prison wife will.

If your family isn’t understanding, just give them time. My parents took 7 years to come around, not that they support my marriage 100%, and they were very much against it at first. I showed them by my actions that this is something real for me, and Michael is my partner, best friend, and husband. I also explained their opinions were not as relevant because they only saw Michael for the crime, not the person. I had to give them space, and let them see my dedication to this relationship. It wasn’t until 7 years later did they somewhat “accept” my relationship and this life. I showed them that Michael is a person, a human being, and most importantly, a good man. Yes, he made mistakes in the past, but he is not that person from 26 years ago.

How do you maintain hope and stay positive while managing the day-to-day challenges of a long-distance relationship?

PAIGE: I try my best to take each day as it comes and not get overwhelmed by the “What ifs” of the future. This world can feel crazy, but I try to remain focused on living one day at a time, holding on to hope and optimism for what lies ahead. Above all, my husband is the reason I stay positive and hopeful. Even while serving a life without parole sentence, he continues to make incredible strides in his rehabilitation and holds on to the hope of one day receiving a second chance. His strength and spirit inspire me to keep pushing forward, no matter the challenges.

GIGI: After 9 years, you just kind of adapt. I had a very hard time staying positive and having hope. It was a major struggle of mine the first few years of this relationship. I had a lot of “funks” and “up-and-down” days where I didn’t even want to talk to anyone. I will also say that this journey is tough, but you become tougher on it. I am stronger now emotionally and mentally than I ever have been in my life.

I used to hate the “Pollyanna” stuff as I used to call it about being positive. Because let’s be real, it’s hard to be positive when your situation seems so dim and bleak. I would say try and find things that you are grateful for in your relationship, or things that you love about your partner, and don’t be afraid to share those with him/her! It definitely helps keep the love alive in a challenging situation, and by talking about it, it can bring you two closer.

What role does personal growth play in these relationships? How can partners support each other's development even while apart?

PAIGE: Personal growth plays a huge role in relationships like ours. Even though we’re physically apart, I believe that growth is key to keeping our bond strong. It’s about constantly evolving as individuals while still supporting each other through that process. My husband and I both focus on bettering ourselves, whether it’s through learning new skills, working on our emotional health, or pushing and challenging ourselves to just be better human beings. We support each other by sharing our progress, encouraging each other when things get tough, and reminding each other of how far we’ve come. When one of us reaches a new milestone, no matter how small, we celebrate it. We also have open conversations about the areas we’re still working on, offering advice or simply a listening ear. Personal growth doesn’t stop just because we’re apart; it’s about making the most of the time we have, learning from each other, and knowing that we’re both striving to be the best versions of ourselves—for each other and for ourselves.

GIGI: Personal growth is a major role in prison relationship. You learn a lot of about yourself because more often than not, you and your relationship are tested by the prison system. Remember, the prison system controls about 98% of your relationship, so learning how to deal with the hurdles it throws at you will help you grow as a person. Adversity can lead to you to learning about yourself and being self-reflective, and it can also make you so much stronger as a person! A good partner is there for you during those dark times. Even though our partners are incarcerated, it’s important to let them be there for you in those challenging situations. Work together to come up with ways to deal with the lack of control in your relationship and the hurdles it may face. Listening, words of affirmation, working through issues together can help each other’s development in those times apart.

If there's one thing Paige and Gigi's stories show us, it's that distance is no match for genuine love and dedication. Yes, loving someone who's incarcerated comes with its own set of challenges, but it can also lead to incredible personal growth and meaningful connections. Whether it's through daily letters, creative celebrations, or just being there for each other's victories and struggles, these relationships have a beautiful way of growing stronger. If you're somewhere on this journey - whether just starting out or years in - remember that you're part of a bigger family. Like so many other Pelipost loved ones, your story matters, and every effort you make to stay connected creates ripples of love and hope.

Want to hear more from Paige and Gigi? You can catch their inspiring conversations on the Love Within Walls Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. Their honest discussions and practical advice have helped countless others navigate their own prison relationships with confidence and hope. Be sure to follow them for even more support and connection along your journey.

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